There is a big difference in how men and woman deal with disquieting situations. Men seldom talk to others about a situation they are dealing with. They tend to either work it out themselves or go to only one specific person whom they feel has the experience to give them advice to help them find a solution. I think this is why men don't understand why women will talk to many different people about the same thing that has upset them. They think if a woman tells them about a problem she's had that she is looking for advice from them to help her solve the problem. When women are really just trying to vent and let their feelings run the course.
Women understand this about each other. That is why they can listen on the phone for an hour while their friend goes over the situation and expresses it in different ways relating to the way it made her feel, they way she's dealt with similar situations in the past. Or the things she's dealt with before with the same person to whom she's dealing with now. Other woman know they are just "letting it all out" and not looking for a particular answer or solution.
Men often react to the anger in a woman's voice. Men see a problem and try to help find a solution. They think offering suggestions for handling the problem is helpful. What they don't understand is that the women are not looking for a solution, but are just looking to be consoled. Men need to learn to listen and show compassion, instead of trying to solve what they see as the problem.
The woman doesn't want to hear what she should have said or done or should do to "fix" what has upset her, she is looking for someone to listen to her pain and empathize with her feelings. The best response a man can offer is to listen and speak to her pain; "That sounds awful", "That doesn't sound very nice", "I can see how that hurts you". When she is through sharing her pain, a nice hug and a response of "everything will be alright, it will all work out" is what she really needs to hear.
Men should try helping by saying something like; "You deserve a rest," "let me take care of things, I'll make dinner and draw you a hot bath, you go relax while I take care of everything. Is there anything I can get for you?" Offer her a cup of hot tea or a glass of wine. I tell you, she will love you so much for your consideration that you will have a wonderful time after dinner!
When I failed my driving test for the 4th time today, I was really disappointed with myself. I called my boyfriend and started crying, pouring out all my feelings to him. Said wilful stuff like I hate driving, I don't want to go for another test anymore etc. Basically all the angry words I could think of. I know, childish.
My boyfriend didn't give me practical advices at that point of time. Neither did he force me to tell him what's the reason of failing. He just listened while i ranted. He kept assuring me that everything is fine. And even if I never ever get my license, it's okay coz he will be there to drive me around.
These are very comforting words that I received from him and soon got better.
I am thankful for him :)
